Forgetting the Past
And the Words that Made an Impact
As I sit here in Washington, D.C., days before the inauguration, I have had a lot of time to reflect on things. Driving nearly 17 hours across the country with its rolling hills covered in a blanket of snow seems to put things into perspective. I feel like I have been involved in four years of warfare, and yet the country is so beautiful and peaceful with its picturesque scenery. We are facing a new day in America and it’s as if we start over with a clean slate. I wish that all aspects of life could be like that.
Going back and erasing all the craziness and the words that were said. Words can cause so much pain. People often say that words do not matter. Only actions matter, but that isn’t exactly the case. Sometimes, in the moment, things are said that aren’t necessarily true. Tempers flare and a rise out of the other person is sought. Hurtful words are used as a weapon, and they scar the human psyche.
I have been on both sides of the equation, and it isn’t a good feeling. The words haunt your life, and even though, you don’t believe them to be true, eventually, doubt enters into the equation. You question whether you are smart enough or good enough. Whether you have the talent to succeed. Questions flood your brain, and you just don’t know how to get past those words that haunt you. You convince yourself that the opinions of others don’t matter, but in actuality, you are consumed by their words of condemnation.
To say the last year has been the worst of my life would be an understatement. Being my mom’s caregiver gave my life purpose. Her love prevented me from feeling like a failure. Volunteering for Patriots made me feel like I was making a contribution, even though I am unsure if I was making an impact for the better. The pain of my mom disappearing from my life doesn’t seem to end. Losing those who mattered and were your support system tends to make you feel alone in the world. An orphan of sorts.
Captain Seth Keshel recently wrote an article on his personal blog about James Charles Phillips. The person he was referencing in anonymity was me. I have my issues with JCP, but I wasn’t the only one. It isn’t fair to lay that on my shoulders.
If James Charles’s words brought comfort to Seth in opposition to other words that hurt him, I am glad. Even relieved to a point. Other aspects of Constitution Cowboy’s life, I can’t ignore. But that is between me and him, and it shouldn’t involve Captain Keshel.
Seth, seems to think that my desire is for him to fail. Throwing up his past mistakes as a way of punishing him. Nothing could be further from the truth. The first time I spoke to him, we discussed a series of problems that brought us together. I told him I would never judge him because if I pointed one finger at him, he could point two more back at me. Seth never realized that we all make mistakes. It is learning from them and growing from them that makes you who you are. And for the record, I am so very proud of him.
I once believed that things could have been different if we had known each other outside of the world of social media. Daggers not being thrown at others. The toxicity not being a factor. Perhaps, if we had met in our younger days, the friendship would have lasted. But then that wasn’t part of God’s plan. I may not understand why life takes the turn that it does, but God knows and I must trust.
The two of us used to say if it could only be like it was in the beginning. Life doesn’t seem to work that way in theory. When we first paired up on Telegram, I can remember this time when Seth was driving the back roads of Texas at 2 AM in the morning. He decided to do a group chat on Telegram. My reaction was that nobody would be around because it was in the middle of the night. His reaction was priceless. “Get in there. It will just be the two of us then.”
It wasn’t just the two of us. The Q&A involved 200+ people from all over the world. I was in awe of the impact that he was making. His mind and his gift for numbers. The data that he could provide to those doubting the results of the 2020 election. So many around the country knew the election wasn’t legitimate, but they just didn’t have the explanation. Captain Keshel provided them with the explanation. That Ah ha moment in a sense.
Funny thing is I am still in awe of the impact that he is making. And for the record, I would have been okay if it had been just the two of us on that quiet weeknight. At that point in time, before all the drama broke its way into the picture, I was happy for those few moments in time that provided me joy in my life.
God has predetermined the paths that our lives will take. God has given the Captain a second chance at happiness. Just like it was meant to be. What is my opinion on the subject? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My path on the other hand is the other direction. Professor David Clements recently cited on X how I was fired by every single person. Ivan and Dr Frank will dispute that comment. He also stated that I was the most toxic moderation that ever was.
Maybe, that is the case. I hope not. The only thing that is certain is that my journey in life is one of solitude and perhaps misery. If it is God’s will, then so be it.
I am okay with that.
God bless you, Seth Edward Keshel. Be happy, angel. Forget the past. Forget the mistake that was us.